Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Here again

Well as of this morning I am back down to 241 lbs. Am leaving for a mini vacation Thursday and will be gone about a week. As we will be staying with family, and knowing what they normally eat it will be interesting to see if I lose or gain over the week. I plan on really trying to watch what I eat and how much. But as for exercise I don't know what all I will be able to do. I guess I will know more as far as how I did next week.

Till then, luck and love to all who are on their own journys.


Thursday, May 20, 2010

Picking up walking

Well, yesterday I got out my old Leslie Sansone Walk Away The Pounds Video and I did the 3 mile one. I was sweating by the end but I felt good. I felt as though I had done something positive for myself. This morning (after waking up with a sore throat, runny nose and fever) I was only able to do the one mile video, and that had me ready to collapse. Unfortunately even feeling terrible I still had to go to work today because I had taken the previous two days off for school field trips. Between that and our recent hospital stay I had to get back to work so I am sitting here trying to stay focused enough to get some work done and sipping. . . . horror of horrors a coke and a hot sweet tea. I am alternating between the two trying to find something that feels good on my throat. So far no luck.

Luck and love to all,


Tuesday, May 11, 2010


Well, I know it has been a couple of weeks since I blogged. Let me rephrase that, it has been a couple of very long very tiring weeks since I last blogged. My just turned 7 year old son has been in the hospital. This in itself is not earth shattering news as he is generally in the hospital about twice a year. (My son has PIDD or Primary Imune Deficency Disorder or in other words a screwed up imune system so he catches anything and everything and generally quicker than most kids and it hits him harder than most kids). But usually his hospital stays are 2-5 days this time it was 2 weeks. He had one complication after another. Between the stress and the sodas (to keep me awake) my weight had jumped back up to 248 lbs as of Friday. This morning I was back down to 243 lbs. You would think a couple of weeks of not really eating would help you lose weight not gain, but because I refused to leave my son, even for a few minutes to run down to the cafeteria I subsited on what the nurses brought me out of pity. Chips, candy bars and sodas and the ocassional fast food meal. The first couple of days were not as bad, we were at the local hospital so I could grab something to eat when my husband, daddy came to visit or the grandparents. But when we were transfered to the Children's Hospital 2 1/2 hours away that was no longer a possibility. As much as it killed my husband to not be there with us, this is routine enough for our family that he has to stay home and keep working (medical insurance is necessary) and also to take care of our 9 year old. My 9 year old is my worrier and if he has to stay with grandma and grandpa for too long because his brother is in the hospital he really worries. If he can stay at home with dad he knows it is not too bad otherwise dad would be with us. My son is doing fine. He is back at school and just in time, his end of year field trip is later this week and he really did not want to miss that. Last year my son missed 100 days out of 180 days of school due to being sick. This year he has only missed 62. What an improvement. I am also very proud of him because even with missing this much school he is still the top of his class. He is in first grade and his reading level is 3rd - 4th grade his math is 3rd grade, his comprehension is 4th grade and his writing is 2nd - 3rd grade. So at least I don't have to worry on that end.

Well this didn't really have much to do with losing weight but ah well, I guess that is what blogging is for. Venting a little.

On another note we planted a garden this weekend and I can't wait for all those fresh veggies and salads.

More tomorrow ( I hope)


Wednesday, April 21, 2010

New Pedometer Readings

Well yesterday I was pleased with myself as far as my pedometer readings. I only changed a few little things and here are the results:

Steps -   6854
Miles -   3.028
Calories burned - 493.7

Compared to the first couple of days that is great. Instead of making my goal 100 calories per day I think I am going to shoot for 200-300 per day for the rest of the week, and if I can go over that like yesterday. Wahooo!


Monday, April 19, 2010

Pedometer for the weekend

Well, the readings pretty much stayed the same which is both pathetic and good. The pathetic is self explanitory. The good is hopefully new goals will be a little easier to obtain.

My goal for this week isn't much but I want to be able to start off with success. My goal is to have over 100 calories burned each day. And by the end of the week to be burning at least 120 calories each day.

(Remember this does not include the gym.)

More to update later.


Friday, April 16, 2010

Pedometer Readings

Talk about an eye opener. I did not wear my pedometer to the gym becasue I wanted to get a "real life" reading. My normal day when I am not focused on exercise.

I was apalled at myself. But very glad that I have decided to do this.

So the readings for Thurs April 15 2010

Steps:     2687
Miles:     1.187
Calories: 93.5

As I said a real eye opener and not very good. But on a positive note, it should at least be easy to improve upon a little at a time.

Well I am keeping check of today's as well. Will report them on Mon.

Luck and Love to all,


Thursday, April 15, 2010


Well, I bought myself a pedometer. More out of curiosity than anything. I am wondering, how many steps do I actually take in a day? And how much time do I just sit on my backside in front of the computer (which I know is quite a lot but my job requires me to be at my computer all day)? Just how many calories am I burning in a day?

Gotta love the modern world that allows us to clip something onto our waistbands that we barely notice is there that can give us at least a somewhat good idea of all this.

I am going to (hopefully, if I can remember) wear this thing for the rest of the week and record the daily totals. Then next week set a goal and see if I can't increase my steps and calories burned. See if I can meet that goal and keep upping it every week.

Happy Birthday to me on Sunday. My goal is that on my next birthday, when my husband asks me what I want to be able to tell him that I want him to go shopping with me and to have fun doing it. To be able to pick out clothes and try them on (and yes to buy a few) and to not be embarrassed. To be able to wear cute clothes and have them look cute. We can all have a wish and we should all have a goal. I don't know if I am better off leaving my goal like this or if I should be setting down a firm number by that date. But I don't want to set myself up for failure. Every time I decide to lose weight or (that dreaded four letter word) DIET, I can't seem to do it. I crave, I cave, I give up. I know it is going to take a long while to lose the weight but I don't want to get discouraged and give up like all the times before. So, even though I have a long term goal weight I am not going to put a date on it. I am going to stick with (for the present) some mini short term goals, like the one mentioned above. The challenge, for me,  is to change my way of thinking into short term goals instead of instant gratification on my long term goal.

Luck and love to all,


Monday, April 12, 2010


Well here it is Monday again and I feel like I have to start all over again. My son's birthday party was this weekend with the whole family over. What a spread. And I know I ate way too much. Considering I also cooked everything there were also all those little "tastes" to make sure everything was just right. And then of course there was cake and ice-cream.

So ...... end result..... back to 143 lbs this morning.

Ahh well, weekends over and it is time to get back on the bandwagon. (At least until this weekend, which is my birthday).

Think positive. Be positive. Do positive.

Since I wasn't able to get to the gym this morning, I called up my bf and asked her if she wanted to meet me for lunch at one of our local parks. I figured if we spent a good portion of our lunch hour walking and talking, we would both get exercise without getting bored.

I am still waiting for those elusive endorphins to kick in after exercise. So far every time I go to the gym, yes I feel better about myself for doing something positive and in the right direction but I also feel like falling asleep. So, endorphins please please kick in. Make me WANT to exercise. I keep telling myself it will get easier and I will start wanting to exercise more and more the more I do it but so far it is still just me talking in my head, the want-to-ness is not there yet.

To anyone and everyone that may read this I would like to send out this message. BE POSITIVE. It can't hurt and it definitely helps. Good luck and living to all.

More soon.


Monday, April 5, 2010

Bear with me

Please bear with me. I am trying to figure out how to add a weight tracker onto my blog for a visual count of current weight (and weight lost) and how I am doing, I just can't seem to get it to come up. So again please bear with me while I try and figure this out.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.


Monday April 5 2010

It's Monday again. The scale read 240 lbs this morning. Not a huge difference but at least it is definitely headed in the right direction.

So to date the stats are:

Today's weight: 240 lbs
Goal weight: 165 lbs
Weight lost: 2.8 lbs
Weight loss to go: 75 lbs

My right knee really started bothering me this weekend. I don't know if it was the cycling I tried at the gym or doing the basement stairs about 20 or more times this weekend. (Not for exercise either, but out of necessity). Either way it was just one more wake up call that I need to lose weight. Every extra pound you weigh places 4 additional pounds of pressure on your knees. So even losing one pound can help them. One pound at a time.


Thursday, April 1, 2010

Obsession- Good or Bad?

Well, 1 week is gone and I am still weighing in at 241 lbs. Not much change there, but I have actually accomplished something. I have gone to the gym. I have thought about what I have eaten before I ate it, every time. Even if it was bad for me I did still think about it, which is a very important step. I have made the commitment. I have started this blog. I HAVE begun my journey.

I have also come to a conclusion. Everyone says that you should not be obsessive about your weight loss. I disagree. Look at the majority of people out there that have lost a lot of weight and kept it off. They were all obsessively compulsive about it at some point. I am not saying that you should remain obsessive about it. But to start with I think you almost have to be. You have to change that love of eating, that wanting to put something in your mouth, anything, into something else. You have to get yourself beyond that stage and the only way to do it is to become obsessive about something else. About going to the gym. About eating the RIGHT foods. About the pounds slowly coming off. You do need balance, it cannot be the only thing in your life, but let's face it - for many of us, no matter what we want to admit it IS one of the most important things in our lives. I LOVE my children, my husband, my parents. I enjoy my home and yes I even enjoy my work but there is not an hour that doesn't go by that some thought goes through my head that has something to do with my weight or my size. And I hate that. I hate that I think about it, that I don't do things or hold back from things because of it. I hate it I hate it I hate it. But you know what? I am the only one who can do something about it. I realise this. I wish there was and easy answer. I, like others, am impatient. I want immediate results and it is so easy to fall off the bandwagon when I don't get them. But you know what's different this time. This time if I fall off, instead of berating myself for it, I get up and get right back on it again.

Be obsessive. Just don't be obsessive forever.

Okay, enough of my soap box for now.


Monday, March 29, 2010

Day 6 (I think)

Well I didn't do too badly over the weekend. Down to 240 lbs. But this morning I was back up to 242 lbs. Don't you just love the way the scale ups and downs.

More tomorrow morning.


Thursday, March 25, 2010

Readers and followers

I know I said I was doing this for me, and I am. But on the other hand this blogging thing is addictive and I can't help but wish I had a follower or few. Someone to cheer me on and to know I am actually reporting "to someone" and not to the ultimate void. Something to help me stay on track.

Here it is 11:45am and even though I have already eaten more than I need to for the rest of the day, or at least it feels that way, I am thinking longingfully about lunch. And not about the PB&J on wheat and bottle of water that I packed myself this morning, but about the local chinese buffet or applebees and their trio appetizer or one of their pick n pair lunch specials or even one of thier 550 calorie meals. (Then I wouldn't feel quite so guilty right?) But I know I don't need the food and I also don't need to spend the money. I was planning on meeting my bf (not my husband (my VBF) but my bf from high school) for lunch tomorrow because tomorrow is my day to run errands all over town. But because my son was sick my hours at work this week were scarce and I have a few bills to pay. I don't need to spend the money on lunch. (Maybe if I keep telling myself that it will sink in). But on the other hand, today would be a perfect day to go eat something warm. It is rainy and cold and miserable outside. Which wouldn't be such a big deal if we didn't just get a taste of true spring weather earlier this week. Tomorrow is supposed to be nice and it is easy NOT to eat when I am busy running errands. But work is slow today and it is grey and food sounds wonderful.

Of course I know I am just doing what I always do when I decide to start a diet or to lose weight.

(I hate calling it a diet because even I know diets don't work it has to be a life change).

The minute I decide to lose weight, really lose weight I start craving all the things I know I should be avoiding. I tell myself well, one last meal or one last this or that won't hurt. Even though I know it will, even though I know better.

Oh well, I am done whining for now. Thank you to anyone who reads this for putting up with me. Keep the faith.


Day 2

Well so far I have been terrible today. But to make sure I stick with it I am going to post everything I have already eaten so far today. That whole accountability thing again. Journaling is one thing I have not tried yet that I know I should.

Today's Weight: 242.0 lbs
Goal Weight: 165 lbs
Weight lost: .8 lbs
Weight loss to go: 77 lbs

7:00am - 3 fried eggs and grits, water

8:30am - small handful of scooby graham cracker bones and a couple slices of cheddar cheese, a venti hot chocolate from Starbucks

Stayed up late last night trying to fix a plumbing problem and was up at 4:30 this morning as usual. Way to tired and lazy to go to the gym.

I am currently reading both Jemima J by Jane Green and The Amazing Adventures of Dietgirl by Shauna Reid. One is fiction the other is non. The only problem is that though both books are kind of inspiring. I mean we are actually reading about a fat girl. Not the sterotypical pixie cute or supermodel beautiful heroine that is in most books. And she loses the weight. Isn't that what we all want? The problem comes in because even though it takes them awhile and takes them effort, it doesn't take me that long to finish the book and when I put the book down, they are slim and trim and have lost the weight but I'm still fat. I know I'm not going to lose the weight in only a couple of hours and I know they took a lot longer than that but I went on the journey with them and they reached the finish line and I am still struggling just to get to the starting line.


Wednesday, March 24, 2010

A little bit about me

Well this post is just to give a little background on myself in case anyone does decide to read along and join me on my journey.

I am a mother of two. Both boys. One is almost 7 (just a couple weeks away) and one just turned 9 a couple months ago. I am married to my high school sweetheart. My one and only boyfiend, my one and only lover and my best friend. We started dating when we were 16, we stayed together through high school, college, got engaged at age 21, got married at age 22, had our first child at age 25 our second child a couple years later and are still together to this day. We have built our own house ourselves. And the biggest surprise to everyone to whom we have ever told this too. We have only ever had one fight in the entire time we have been together. This is mostly because we usually agree to disagree or we swallow it and deal with it rather than getting angry and lashing out at the other person. This sounds great, up to a point. There have been times when I have been hurt (emotionally, not physically) and have just not said anything. There have also been times I am sure when he has not said anything. But we do not ignore each other either. We talk all the time, and yes when something is really bothering either of us we .talk.it.out. Amazing concept that. And you know what, it works. It really works.

I am not fat because I had a miserable childhood. It wasn't perfect, I don't think anyone has ever thought theirs was absolutely perfect. But by and large it was happy. I had and still have wonderful parents. There were no fights, or divorces or anything like that. I was painfully shy as a child and I overcame that with the help of a couple of my friends. I was always the shy, quiet, straight A, bookworm. I read constantly. My favorite activity was swimming. And to be perfectly honest except for swimming I didn't do any other sports. My family was never sports oriented. On top of that I was large chested. (I inherited that one from my mother's side). By 6th grade I was wearing a bra. By 8th grade that bra was a D cup (and yes I was still skinny at the time). Tall, skinny and very large chested. Add to that shy and well you can draw a mental picture.

By the time I was 16 I was a 38 DD, and then we moved. It was after we moved that I started putting on weight. I was introduced to a new world of fast food, large portions and friends that ate out all the time. That was the thing to do, go to a fast food restaurant , eat and talk. There was no more swimming or anything else to take its place. The weather was colder so you could hide your body under clothes and never even realize what was happening.

That first winter I put on about 20 or 30 lbs. And unfortunately it didn't stop there.

Fast foreward several years, 2 c-sections later (that is another post all together) and I was at my heaviest weight of 265lbs. My husband at his heaviest was 280 lbs (but he is also 6 and a half foot tall) I am 5'8". Well during my second pregnancy he lost the extra weight. He lost 65lbs using the Atkins diet. The whole time he was losing I was gaining. I was pregnant after all. I actually didn't gain a lot WITH the pregnancy. It was after each pregnancy. Well he has kept the weight off while I haven't even lost it yet. I lost 65lbs on the Atkins diet too, but it very quickly went back on.

Well this past Dec. I finally decided to have breast reduction surgery. I was wearing a size 42DDD and that only covered half of my breasts. My nipple was covered by the bra but everything below that just hung out below my bra. I was 250lbs and going in for surgery. I was okay with that (sort of) I mean my chest was overly large even when I was a skinny kid so I knew that it would be even after I lost weight, and my back and shoulders couldn't handle it anymore. I busted my but the two weeks before surgery to lose weight. Well actually I was told no exercise but I really tried with my diet. They took 3 lbs off one side and 3.3 lbs off the other side. About a week later after some of the swelling went down and the dressings came off I weighed myself. I weighed in at 237 lbs. I was thrilled to be on the right track. Unfortunately, I couldn't do much yet and didn't try very hard either. I crept back up to 250lbs pretty quick.

My husband frequently complains to me about me being fat. And even though our sex life is better than average. (once or twice a day), and even though I know he still loves me and I am still his best friend I don't know if he is still IN LOVE with me.

As he has said, he has been waiting since we were about 18 to lose the weight, although it wasn't until he lost the weight that he ever actually said anything. And it has only been the last few years that I know it has been bothering him more and more. And on his behalf I think part of it is he is worried that our time together on this earth won't be as long or that the medical problems will be horrendous. Right now I am lucky, no diabetes, no high blood pressure, no heart problems. But I need to lose this weight now, before I develop problems. And before my kids are too old to want to do anything with mom and dad.

So this time I am trying something I have never tried before. Accountablility and venting. In otherwords blogging. I am going to try and record everything I eat and how often I go to the gym etc. And I am sure there will be varius other thoughts and the like posted here too. If you have decided to join me on my journey please let me know what you think. If not, no worries. As I said before I have to do this for ME.


Day 1 cont'd

So far today I have had:

B-fast - 1 1/2 peanut butter and jam sandwhiches, a small handful of scooby graham crackers, one slice of mango, a bottle of water.

Mid-morning - 1/2 of a 6" sub from subway with oven roasted chicken breast, american cheese, lettuce, double tomato, avacado, salt and pepper on it and a large unsweetened ice-tea, 2 quaker chewy oat fiber & omega-3 dark chocolate chunk bars.

I went to a half an hour butts and gutts class at our local gym. I was the fattest, largest one there but you know what, I was there and I did it.

It is now noon. I am hoping to lay off the food until dinner which should be around 4:30pm. I am planning on making deer meat tacos for dinner tonight. Cut up the deer meat small and cook with onions, sea salt, pepper. Add a little fresh tomato and cilantro and frozen corn. Then we have that and you can add lettuce, jalapenos, sour cream, shredded cheese and flour tortillas if you would like. One of my sons, my 6 year old and his dad both like the works on their tortilla and the other one, my 9 year old son just likes the "guts" in a bowl without the tortilla. So we make it where you can help yourself.

Usually I do the "guts" (with two boys are you really surprised at the name?) in a bowl with one tortilla on the side.


Day 1

This is my first time trying to blog so please bear with me. I am setting up this blog for me, no one else. If someone else wants to read it please feel free but I am hoping to use this blog as a form of accountablility for myself.

So here goes:

Today's weight: 242.8 lbs
Goal weight: 165 lbs
Weight Lost: 0 lbs
Weight loss to go: 77.8 lbs

More to come soon but as I have never done this before I am going to try and post this first to see if it works.

WLG (weight loss girl)