A little bit about me

Well this post is just to give a little background on myself in case anyone does decide to read along and join me on my journey.

I am a mother of two. Both boys. One is almost 7 (just a couple weeks away) and one just turned 9 a couple months ago. I am married to my high school sweetheart. My one and only boyfiend, my one and only lover and my best friend. We started dating when we were 16, we stayed together through high school, college, got engaged at age 21, got married at age 22, had our first child at age 25 our second child a couple years later and are still together to this day. We have built our own house ourselves. And the biggest surprise to everyone to whom we have ever told this too. We have only ever had one fight in the entire time we have been together. This is mostly because we usually agree to disagree or we swallow it and deal with it rather than getting angry and lashing out at the other person. This sounds great, up to a point. There have been times when I have been hurt (emotionally, not physically) and have just not said anything. There have also been times I am sure when he has not said anything. But we do not ignore each other either. We talk all the time, and yes when something is really bothering either of us we .talk.it.out. Amazing concept that. And you know what, it works. It really works.

I am not fat because I had a miserable childhood. It wasn't perfect, I don't think anyone has ever thought theirs was absolutely perfect. But by and large it was happy. I had and still have wonderful parents. There were no fights, or divorces or anything like that. I was painfully shy as a child and I overcame that with the help of a couple of my friends. I was always the shy, quiet, straight A, bookworm. I read constantly. My favorite activity was swimming. And to be perfectly honest except for swimming I didn't do any other sports. My family was never sports oriented. On top of that I was large chested. (I inherited that one from my mother's side). By 6th grade I was wearing a bra. By 8th grade that bra was a D cup (and yes I was still skinny at the time). Tall, skinny and very large chested. Add to that shy and well you can draw a mental picture.

By the time I was 16 I was a 38 DD, and then we moved. It was after we moved that I started putting on weight. I was introduced to a new world of fast food, large portions and friends that ate out all the time. That was the thing to do, go to a fast food restaurant , eat and talk. There was no more swimming or anything else to take its place. The weather was colder so you could hide your body under clothes and never even realize what was happening.

That first winter I put on about 20 or 30 lbs. And unfortunately it didn't stop there.

Fast foreward several years, 2 c-sections later (that is another post all together) and I was at my heaviest weight of 265lbs. My husband at his heaviest was 280 lbs (but he is also 6 and a half foot tall) I am 5'8". Well during my second pregnancy he lost the extra weight. He lost 65lbs using the Atkins diet. The whole time he was losing I was gaining. I was pregnant after all. I actually didn't gain a lot WITH the pregnancy. It was after each pregnancy. Well he has kept the weight off while I haven't even lost it yet. I lost 65lbs on the Atkins diet too, but it very quickly went back on.

Well this past Dec. I finally decided to have breast reduction surgery. I was wearing a size 42DDD and that only covered half of my breasts. My nipple was covered by the bra but everything below that just hung out below my bra. I was 250lbs and going in for surgery. I was okay with that (sort of) I mean my chest was overly large even when I was a skinny kid so I knew that it would be even after I lost weight, and my back and shoulders couldn't handle it anymore. I busted my but the two weeks before surgery to lose weight. Well actually I was told no exercise but I really tried with my diet. They took 3 lbs off one side and 3.3 lbs off the other side. About a week later after some of the swelling went down and the dressings came off I weighed myself. I weighed in at 237 lbs. I was thrilled to be on the right track. Unfortunately, I couldn't do much yet and didn't try very hard either. I crept back up to 250lbs pretty quick.

My husband frequently complains to me about me being fat. And even though our sex life is better than average. (once or twice a day), and even though I know he still loves me and I am still his best friend I don't know if he is still IN LOVE with me.

As he has said, he has been waiting since we were about 18 to lose the weight, although it wasn't until he lost the weight that he ever actually said anything. And it has only been the last few years that I know it has been bothering him more and more. And on his behalf I think part of it is he is worried that our time together on this earth won't be as long or that the medical problems will be horrendous. Right now I am lucky, no diabetes, no high blood pressure, no heart problems. But I need to lose this weight now, before I develop problems. And before my kids are too old to want to do anything with mom and dad.

So this time I am trying something I have never tried before. Accountablility and venting. In otherwords blogging. I am going to try and record everything I eat and how often I go to the gym etc. And I am sure there will be varius other thoughts and the like posted here too. If you have decided to join me on my journey please let me know what you think. If not, no worries. As I said before I have to do this for ME.

WLG